So today was a bad day. Like not in a “I’m just glad to have gotten through it” type of way. I didn’t get through it. I had a temporary breakdown and smashed my phone and roared for a while. Everything was conspiring to make me fantasize about murder. Today sucked. Today was like starring in Kindergarten Cop.

But I have reharnessed my chi and reminded myself to not expect good things from life. I am keeping a headache at bay and I have queued up “End of Days” for some instant watching. When Arnie says, “Easy on the hardware!” as his co-workers inexplicably try to gun him down, it’s like realizing you are good at something and that something is sex. I’m psyched.

By the by, Kotaku is having a contest. It’s a trash-talking contest where you have to reference Connect Four, Battleship, Scrabble or Yahtzee. I chose to enter because today has to have some upside. Plus, what else is an unemployed genius to do? Besides turn his car into an IED for the next motherfucker who tries to steal his belongings (blueprints forthcoming). Mine was as follows:

Did you know the first telephone call in 1876 only lasted one sentence? This will be the second-shortest time two people Connect Four.

It’s a pun so I’m sure Sabia is gearing up his response. He still hates me for disparaging puns when I was blacked out. Feel free to go over to kotaku.com and enter!